How to Deal With Difficult People at Work (Without Letting Them Ruin Your Day)
- Erin Hatzikostas
- 5 days ago
- 3 min read
Do you have someone at work who just gets under your skin?
You know the person.
The one who pops into your head:
while you’re driving home from work
while you’re making dinner
when you wake up in the morning
And suddenly you’re replaying something they said… or something they did… and your blood pressure starts creeping up again.
You know you shouldn’t let them live rent-free in your head, but somehow they do.
And sometimes, what makes it even worse is the story we tell ourselves about why they’re acting that way. We assume there’s some hidden agenda or office politics behind everything.
But in reality, most workplace tension comes down to misunderstanding people’s motivations—a topic I dive into more in Why Office Politics Are Really Just Office Partnerships.
If you’ve ever had a coworker like that (and let’s be honest—we all have), I want to share the single most powerful mindset shift that helped me deal with those people during my 22 years in corporate America.
It’s simple.
“It sucks to be them.”
Now let me explain.
The Coworker Who Drove Me Nuts
About seven years into my career, there was a woman at work who made my life miserable.
The funny thing was, I didn’t even work with her that often.
But every interaction felt exhausting.
She would:
push back in ways that felt unnecessarily harsh
talk in a tone that instantly raised my anxiety
find little ways to make things harder than they needed to be
And I remember driving home one night, replaying the interaction in my head for the hundredth time.
Finally, out of frustration, I thought:
“It sucks to be her.”
At first, it was honestly kind of flippant.
Like: she’s annoying, I’m not—so yeah, it sucks to be her.
But something interesting happened over time.
That phrase started to evolve.
When “It Sucks to Be Them” Becomes Empathy
The more I used the phrase, the more genuine it became.
I started realizing something:
I only had to deal with this person an hour or two a week.
But they had to deal with themselves all day, every day.
They wake up with themselves.
They go home with themselves.
They look at themselves in the mirror every morning.
And suddenly the phrase changed from judgment to empathy.
It wasn’t:
“It sucks to be them.”
It became:
“Wow… it really must suck to be them.”
And the moment that shift happened, something powerful occurred.
The frustration disappeared.
The emotional charge disappeared.
Because empathy replaced it.
Why This Mindset Shift Works
When someone frustrates us at work, we tend to do two things:
We replay their behavior over and over in our heads.
We give them way more emotional energy than they deserve.
In other words, they control our mood without even trying.
But when you shift to empathy—even a small dose of it—you take your power back.
Instead of thinking:
Why are they like this?
Why do they always do this to me?
You realize:
Their behavior is their burden, not yours.
And suddenly they stop taking up so much space in your mind.
Even the Most Successful People Need This Trick
I’ve shared this phrase with people for years.
And the funny thing is—it works no matter how senior or successful someone is.
I remember being at a board meeting once where one of the board members happened to be the Chief Medical Officer of ExxonMobil.
The night before the meeting, we were at dinner, having a glass of wine, and somehow this phrase came up in conversation.
I explained my little mantra:
“It sucks to be them.”
The next morning, when everyone was back in full professional mode, he walked up to me with a small notebook and asked:
“Erin, what was that phrase again?”
Even the Chief Medical Officer of a massive company needed a shortcut for dealing with difficult people.
Because no matter how experienced you are, annoying humans are still annoying humans.
The Real Power of This Phrase
The goal isn’t to insult someone.
The goal is to reframe how you see them.
Instead of feeling anger or frustration, you feel a little compassion.
And compassion does something magical:
It removes the emotional grip they have on you.
So the next time someone at work gets under your skin…
Try the phrase.
“It sucks to be them.”
Not in a snarky way.
But in a genuine way.
Because the moment you stop letting them power your emotions…
You take your power back.
Erin Hatzikostas is an internationally recognized leader on the impact of authenticity in the workplace. Learn more about her keynote speaking, workshops, and other authentic programs here.
