Want Better Leaders? Stop Telling People What to Do. Show Them.
There are plenty of things I’m willing to admit on a stage.
Not knowing how to do the Macarena is one of them.
Every time I see people doing that ridiculous dance, I think, I never actually learned how to do this. So when I was speaking at a conference recently, I decided to turn my embarrassment into a leadership lesson.
I asked for a volunteer.
A woman named Jacqueline came up to the stage, and I gave her a very specific instruction:
Teach me how to do the Macarena. But there’s just one twist - you can only use words.
She couldn't show me.
She couldn't demonstrate the moves.
She could only tell me what to do.
So we started the music.
“Right hand out.”
Okay.
“Palm down.”
Got it.
“Now your left hand.”
Okay...
“Cross over to your opposite shoulder.”
Wait. What?
“Now your hips.”
My confidence was rapidly disappearing.
And eventually, I was basically flailing around on stage while Jacqueline tried desperately to explain the Macarena to me using nothing but words.
It was, objectively, a terrible way to learn how to dance.
Then I stopped the music.
“Okay,” I said. “One more time. But now you can actually show me.”
She demonstrated the moves.
I followed her.
And suddenly... I could do the Macarena.
Well, kind of.
But here's the point:
You would never expect someone to learn a dance by only hearing you describe it. So why do we expect people to learn leadership by listening to us talk about it?
Leadership Is a Show-Me Business
One of the biggest mistakes leaders make is telling people what they want them to do without actually modeling the behavior themselves.
“We need to communicate more openly.”
“People need to take more ownership.”
“We need to be more collaborative.”
“We need to have more difficult conversations.”
“We need to be more authentic.”
Great.
But what are you doing?
Because your team isn't just listening to your words. They're watching what you actually do.
If you tell people to be vulnerable but never admit when you screwed something up, they'll notice.
If you tell people to speak up but shut down the person who challenges you, they'll notice.
If you tell people that authenticity matters but every communication sounds like it came from Corporate Communications, they'll notice.
If you tell people to take risks but punish every mistake, they'll notice.
And eventually, your team learns the real lesson.
Not the one on the PowerPoint slide.
The one you're modeling.
Your Behavior Is the Real Training Program
This is especially important when you're trying to change a culture.
You can't simply announce the new behavior and expect people to magically adopt it.
You have to show them what it looks like.
Want people to communicate more authentically? Start writing emails that sound like you.
Want people to admit when they don't know something? Admit when you don't know something.
Want people to stop taking themselves so seriously? Let them see you laugh at yourself.
Want people to have difficult conversations instead of dancing around problems? Have the difficult conversation.
Want people to build stronger relationships? Put down the phone and actually talk to people.
Your team is constantly taking cues from you, whether you realize it or not.
And here's the uncomfortable part:
You are teaching them something even when you aren't trying to teach them anything.
Stop Asking, "How Do I Get Them to Do This?"
Instead, ask:
“What would it look like if I modeled this?”
That's a very different question.
Because leadership isn't about finding the perfect words to convince people to behave differently.
It's about creating an environment where the behavior becomes normal because the leader is already doing it.
Think about the Macarena.
I could have given Jacqueline a beautiful explanation of every single move. I could have handed her a 12-page Macarena playbook. I could have created a PowerPoint with diagrams.
It still wouldn't have worked nearly as well as simply showing her.
Leadership works the same way.
People don't need another memo telling them what the culture is supposed to be.
They need to see it.
So the next time you're frustrated because your team isn't behaving the way you want them to, take a step back.
Before you ask, “Why won't they do this?”
Ask yourself:
“Am I showing them how?”
Because if you want people to dance differently, you might have to get out on the dance floor first.
Erin Hatzikostas is an internationally recognized leader on the impact of authenticity in the workplace. Learn more about her keynote speaking, workshops, and other authentic programs here.
